Separate bedrooms - yes or no?

December 21, 2020

It is common in our country that married couples or (love) couples share a bed together. Couples who deviate from this and opt for separate bedrooms (separate beds) often have to justify themselves. The assumption is that something is wrong in the relationship. Google searches such as "separate bedroom marriage crisis" or separate bedroom beginning of the end" second this.

Of course, everyone should decide for themselves, if they want to share a bed or whether they prefer to spend the night alone in their own bed. It is really up to each individual. There might be personal reasons or specific reasons that dictate this decision.

I analyzed this behavior and below you find my results:

Who sleeps better alone?

Sleeping alone?

If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, it is a well known fact that the woman has always taken care of the family which was not limited to the day, but also included the night. This quite often resulted for both men and women to sleep in separate beds. Genetically, not much has changed in our country since the Stone Age. Women are much more alert than men which effects the quality of sleep. It is scientifically proven that women relax and sleep better when they are alone in the bedroom. Surveys have found that women also indicated that they sleep better with their partner in the same bed. The same can be said about men.

So what are the advantages of separate beds?

You can design your own bedroom according to your taste. You don't need to take your partners needs into account and are able to read late into the night or simple go early to bed. Another reason may be the snoring of your partner keeps you up and prevents you from a good nights sleep.

Separate beds while having toddlers?

Separate bedrooms can be a real blessing, especially for parents of younger children. When everyone has their own bed in a separate room, parental responsibilities can be shared at night. The partner whose turn it is to look after the child at night can do so without waking up the partner. Advantages are shared sleep deficiencies.

Partner with young child

What are the advantages of sharing a bed?

Happy couple

It is hardly an argument that sleeping together has always been around. Is it true, however, that sleeping together in a bed strengthens the bond between the couple? Only if both partners agree to this sleeping arrangement.

Tips for couples in a shared bedroom

Even if you have made a conscious decision to spend your nights together, there can be moments when the sleep of one is influenced by the other. Some of the difficulties are mentioned below with some solutions:

Your partner wants to check emails or watch a movie in bed

Generally try to avoid checking emails as they can stir you up emotionally. Make sure that you and your partner understand that emails and similar messages can wait until the next day. If your partner really wants to watch a movie, they should do so out of consideration on the smartphone or tablet with headphones. Using a night screen or night shift mode is also considered to your partner.

One partner usually goes to bed later than the other

If one partner goes to bed later and wakes the other up this becomes annoying. Especially if you have a hard time falling asleep again. Trying to compromise on a mutually beneficial bedtime makes sense. Also, having separate duvets helps let the other person sleep.

My partner is snoring

This quite often is the deciding factor to have separate bedrooms.If you want to continue to sue a shared bedroom despite a snoring partner or you don't have space for separate beds, you should try to do something about the snoring.

Never go to bed after an argument

It is a known fact that you don't get a restful sleep after an argument. Try to resolve the issue with your partner before you go to bed. Bad sleep and fatigue in turn lead to feeling listless, unbalanced, exhausted and dull. In addition, one is usually more irritable, which makes reconciliation more difficult and the next argument is pre-programmed.

Ideally, the shared bed should be an oasis of pure relaxation and an absolute relaxing place, where stress and worries have no place.